Weekend in Komorova, “The Father’s Love”

I have been visiting the Vineyard church, and they had a church retreat this past weekend in the countryside by the bay. I wanted to go and Vera decided it would be good for Katya, whom she has been trying to get to make good friends instead of sitting at home, so she told her she had to go and to find five positive things to say about it. One of the deaf guys (Lyosha that I told you about coming to church) and the sign language interpreter came too.

I didn’t have a very relaxing time because I was feeling responsible for Katya being there, and as the only person she really knew responsible to hang out with her and help her meet people. I kept facing these kinds of questions: When she walks out in the middle of a worship service, should I go after her and invite her to come back? Or order her to come back? Or let her go? When everybody else is socializing and I want to be with them but she is sitting alone watching TV should I go watch TV with her or try to get her to come back or just do what I want to do?

Otherwise it was a beautiful time. We walked by the sea and played Dutch Blitz and fed horses and went to the Banya and had a baptism and praised and prayed together. The seminar was on the topic of the Father’s Love, and the speaker talked about how Jesus’ power came not because He was God but because He lived as a human being who knew the Father, and His Father “loved Him and showed Him everything that He does.” Then he spoke of how hard the enemy works to destroy people knowing and believing and experiencing that, through sin and lies and earthly fathers that fail, and how different kinds of fathers give different misconceptions about God, and how to release and forgive your earthly father and turn to your heavenly Father. It was very powerful and a lot of people were crying.

The speaker said to imagine your earthly father was standing before you, and to tell him how he had hurt you and that you forgave him. Here I write a tribute to my father. I realized in that moment that I have nothing to forgive, not because my father was perfect, but because he never wronged me without asking me to forgive him before the sun went down. And this is so blissfully simple and attainable, yet the effect is the same as if you had been perfect, and I have no regrets except that I did not spent every minute of the last 19 years appreciating you, as I appreciate you now that I am far away.