I taught my first Beginner's English class on Thursday. I had two middle-aged pastors, and the one's wife will be joining us next week. I taught them the alphabet, subject and object pronouns, and the verb love so we practiced "He loves her, they love us," etc. I divided the alphabet up into letters that are identical in English and Russian, those that sound different but look the same, those that look different but sound the same, and those that are entirely different. They got it really fast. I know that only works cuz I know their language. Then we memorized 1 John 4:19 "We love Him because He first loved us." For the pronouns we pointed at each other in different combinations and said, "he, she, we, you, they" until they could do it without looking at the paper.
I ate lunch with the seminary students in their cafeteria and two are interested in helping the mission I work with! This is such a God thing - I felt like He really gave me all the ideas, and also that He put me in this place where I'm blessing them and they're blessing me.
I got to see the ballet Swan Lake last night!
Prayer and Praise:
- We're trying to get permission for Tanya to move out of the dorm and into our home sooner than three months, but now
it's coming out that she is afraid of going to church.
- Natasha has been invited - pray for her decision!
- We could get documents for Kristina to come on weekends, but Katya doesn't like her. This is so hard. I love Katya. I love Kristina. I don't want Katya to make Kristina's weekend miserable. I want to get Kristina plugged in with people who will be here longer than Dec 1. I want to figure out what Katya is resenting about Kristina and deal with it somehow. I find myself concealing from Katya when I visit Kristina. Oh help God!
- Now two Russian girls and one British woman want to help our ministry - pray we can schedule a meeting for them.
- Lucia and Vera have a very different approach to new girls. Lucia says to treat them like princesses, buy them ice cream and keep verifying that you love them and want them and think they're beautiful, get them to visit and build a strong friendship before mentioning the rules or attending church. Explain church is a fun concert where everybody loves God and we need you to help us. Anything to not scare them away, and not associate it with their negative preconceptions. Vera says if she was invited to a home she would want to know up front what she was in for, and that there is no point in having girls come for a few months, find out about work and boundaries and then leave. They can make that decision up front. And so she explained to Natasha the whole policies, why she loves God and wants her girls to learn about Him, how much work the girls must do and how she wants to help them, why she believes not having sex before marriage is best for her girls, what a family is about and what they're trying to give them. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I've heard in a long time. But Lucia is afraid it has scared Natasha away. Pray for the relationship between Vera and Lucia through this, for the best balance to emerge, and for Natasha to not be scared away.
- Vika came to Swan Lake with us along with her boyfriend. They were so absorbed in each other that we didn't really bridge to them in any way and I was going to give this one up, but at the very end I found out she's trying to teach herself English and maybe would want to meet with me for that.
- On Saturday I'm going to see Gulia together with Olya and Sasha for the first time
- On Sunday at home my little sister is getting baptized without me!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Prayer Requests
- I'm taking my first exam this Friday. This is for my Old Testament survey course online from school at home. After this I have an exam every two weeks. Pray I can study without feeling like I should be spending time with people, and spend time with people without stressing about the studying... you know.
- I believe I will teach this English class. It is at the seminary, four adults, three men and two women, who have not yet learned anything in English. So I'll be starting with the alphabet and "my name is." But I am really creeped out that I am 19 years old and teaching graduate school... and I have to buy some appropriate clothes... Pray I can really bless and help these servants of God by teaching them some English, and that He'll help me with everything.
- Several times now orphans have asked me to lie for them or at least keep silence while they lie. I took Kristina back after dinner at our house and she wanted me to go in with her so the counselor wouldn't yell about our being late, so I did, and she said, "Let's say we went walking over the bridge and ate at a cafe, because I didn't get a release form to go to your home." I said, "I will not say something untrue, so let's hope she will not ask." She said, "She'll ask - we're late." I went up the stairs praying, because what could I do if Kristina said we went to a cafe and the counselor turned and asked me "Is this true?" and I had to say "No"? PRAISE the Lord the counselor did NOT ask anything or mention that we were late! But pray for these sticky situations!
- I believe I will teach this English class. It is at the seminary, four adults, three men and two women, who have not yet learned anything in English. So I'll be starting with the alphabet and "my name is." But I am really creeped out that I am 19 years old and teaching graduate school... and I have to buy some appropriate clothes... Pray I can really bless and help these servants of God by teaching them some English, and that He'll help me with everything.
- Several times now orphans have asked me to lie for them or at least keep silence while they lie. I took Kristina back after dinner at our house and she wanted me to go in with her so the counselor wouldn't yell about our being late, so I did, and she said, "Let's say we went walking over the bridge and ate at a cafe, because I didn't get a release form to go to your home." I said, "I will not say something untrue, so let's hope she will not ask." She said, "She'll ask - we're late." I went up the stairs praying, because what could I do if Kristina said we went to a cafe and the counselor turned and asked me "Is this true?" and I had to say "No"? PRAISE the Lord the counselor did NOT ask anything or mention that we were late! But pray for these sticky situations!
Little Marina
I’ve been waiting for news on this front. Little Marina that I cooked with, who left the family home and went back to the sewing school dorm with the other orphans, is still there. She did go to the camp for the weekend with the girl Tanya who wanted to meet boys. I don’t know if Tanya still abuses her and what role fear has in all this. Marina is becoming angry and beginning to swear. She now has a boyfriend who drinks and she has given him her money. She apparently got her allowance from the government and now has a lot of friends because they want her money. This is beginning to remind me of the story of the prodigal son.
I saw her Thursday with Lucia, Pam and Gary. She seemed her normal self and gave Pam a big hug, only when invited home she insisted she had “a lot to do.” Pam just kept assuring her that we wait and she can always, always come home. Pam says sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can come up, and just prays nothing bad will happen to her in the meantime. This boy stuff is disturbing because she is childlike, Lucy used to say she was like an 8 year old.
Others News from the Dormitory
Sad news: our Tanya who wants to live with us can’t move out for another three months after she turns 18, her dorm said. Vika from the dorm spent the weekend with Lucia and Natasha had agreed to spend it with us, but didn’t answer our phone calls.
The four deaf boys are staying in the boys transition home for a visit because their hallway is being painted and they were getting sick from the smell and the cold from opening the windows. We always have such a jolly time with them! I have learned the Russian sign language for red, green, yellow, blue, and “UNO!”
There is a wonderful Christian woman named Sveta whose parents were deaf and she translates for us into their sign language. She wants to get them away from their isolated room on a three-day church retreat.
Still no news of Olya. I’ve written a letter giving her my number and telling her I am praying for her and want to help her, and I want to leave this with her counselor at the dorm.
Other News in General
I visited Gulia again, and it was much better this time. I think it was cuz I was over the emotional shock and it was just another visit to a friend in an orphanage, not that anything has changed. She has a new roommate who doesn’t clean up and hoards things they both get in trouble, so she said she was struggling with anger. Now her counselors are realizing it’s the other girl’s fault and things are getting better.
Kristina came over this weekend. I asked her if she’d like to come to church with me and to my surprise she was agreeable, only she can’t get permission to leave early enough in the morning. Pray I can take her to an afternoon service sometime.
I saw her Thursday with Lucia, Pam and Gary. She seemed her normal self and gave Pam a big hug, only when invited home she insisted she had “a lot to do.” Pam just kept assuring her that we wait and she can always, always come home. Pam says sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can come up, and just prays nothing bad will happen to her in the meantime. This boy stuff is disturbing because she is childlike, Lucy used to say she was like an 8 year old.
Others News from the Dormitory
Sad news: our Tanya who wants to live with us can’t move out for another three months after she turns 18, her dorm said. Vika from the dorm spent the weekend with Lucia and Natasha had agreed to spend it with us, but didn’t answer our phone calls.
The four deaf boys are staying in the boys transition home for a visit because their hallway is being painted and they were getting sick from the smell and the cold from opening the windows. We always have such a jolly time with them! I have learned the Russian sign language for red, green, yellow, blue, and “UNO!”
There is a wonderful Christian woman named Sveta whose parents were deaf and she translates for us into their sign language. She wants to get them away from their isolated room on a three-day church retreat.
Still no news of Olya. I’ve written a letter giving her my number and telling her I am praying for her and want to help her, and I want to leave this with her counselor at the dorm.
Other News in General
I visited Gulia again, and it was much better this time. I think it was cuz I was over the emotional shock and it was just another visit to a friend in an orphanage, not that anything has changed. She has a new roommate who doesn’t clean up and hoards things they both get in trouble, so she said she was struggling with anger. Now her counselors are realizing it’s the other girl’s fault and things are getting better.
Kristina came over this weekend. I asked her if she’d like to come to church with me and to my surprise she was agreeable, only she can’t get permission to leave early enough in the morning. Pray I can take her to an afternoon service sometime.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
See a Video of Me!
Liz H's blog is lizinstpete.blogspot.com and she posted videos of us teaching English at the orphanage. I had to say I was ten because they don't know higher numbers! We're trying to get them to introduce themselves in English for the camera.
My Week
Monday – used the internet at MIR, went over for dinner to Chuck and Alicia, Wycliffe Trainees who studied Russian with me in the states last year.
Tuesday – figured out how to bake muffins here, went to a potluck dinner with British and Canadian workers (I’ve never been the only American in a group of English speakers before!)
Wednesday – went to an orphanage with Liz H. to see how she teaches English there
Thursday – I’m writing this now, then I’m going back to the dorm with Lucia and to buy Tanya a birthday gift.
Friday – I plan to meet with Galina, the orphanage worker who I met in America this summer, and her daughter Katya. Then we’re throwing a big 18th birthday for Tanya at our house.
Saturday – I hope to either go back to visit Gulia or to see the Harbor, a similar ministry that works with orphanage graduates.
Tuesday – figured out how to bake muffins here, went to a potluck dinner with British and Canadian workers (I’ve never been the only American in a group of English speakers before!)
Wednesday – went to an orphanage with Liz H. to see how she teaches English there
Thursday – I’m writing this now, then I’m going back to the dorm with Lucia and to buy Tanya a birthday gift.
Friday – I plan to meet with Galina, the orphanage worker who I met in America this summer, and her daughter Katya. Then we’re throwing a big 18th birthday for Tanya at our house.
Saturday – I hope to either go back to visit Gulia or to see the Harbor, a similar ministry that works with orphanage graduates.
New Ideas and Prayer Requests
The other women at the potluck are all studying Russian with a teacher or tutor, through a language school or privately, and I think I want to try this. Pray I could find a teacher that would be good for me.
Hopefully Tanya will move in with us after her birthday. Two other girls that Lucy met at the dorm, Vika and the Natasha age 15 that I wrote of earlier, are interested. We need to finish the last room for me to live in, and then we’ll have space for another girl to live with Katya and Tanya. Before that I can stay with the little boys. Either way I am no longer in the same room with the girls and will have to be intentional about visiting their room and inviting them into mine so we aren’t isolated. I’m worried about this being a lot harder. Pray about this.
Olya and Sasha want to get permanent custody of Gulia so she can live with them all the time and study at regular school. This is a lot of red tape; pray it is possible!!!!!
Olya and Sasha’s church has a small Christian school that is short of an English teacher, and they’ve invited me to teach my first real English class once a week for four people. I don’t know what ages.
Hopefully Tanya will move in with us after her birthday. Two other girls that Lucy met at the dorm, Vika and the Natasha age 15 that I wrote of earlier, are interested. We need to finish the last room for me to live in, and then we’ll have space for another girl to live with Katya and Tanya. Before that I can stay with the little boys. Either way I am no longer in the same room with the girls and will have to be intentional about visiting their room and inviting them into mine so we aren’t isolated. I’m worried about this being a lot harder. Pray about this.
Olya and Sasha want to get permanent custody of Gulia so she can live with them all the time and study at regular school. This is a lot of red tape; pray it is possible!!!!!
Olya and Sasha’s church has a small Christian school that is short of an English teacher, and they’ve invited me to teach my first real English class once a week for four people. I don’t know what ages.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Prayer for Kristina
Kristina is a 14 year old girl that I met in Katya's orphanage through the bowling event, and we hung out a lot together this weekend. She has a 7 and a 4 year old sister at another orphanage. She was just transferred away from them at the beginning of the school year - and they were just put into the system this year. Their mother has to commute as far as Moscow as part of her work and couldn't keep them after the divorce of their bad father, but it seems like they still have a good relationship with her and visit her.
Kristina she took me into the orthodox cathedral to show me, and showed me how to cross myself, how to light a candle, where Jesus was pictured. She said she doesn't believe in God but still likes to go into the cathedral, and she does believe Jesus existed. I know that's like, "duh, no atheist denies that," but it seemed like a first step of faith for her. At last she said it was making her too sad to be their because it reminded her of her grandmother who died.
She is very behind in school, I'm getting conflicting reports of how much, but doesn't seem lacking in intelligence, so it's probably their labeling thing again.
Kristina she took me into the orthodox cathedral to show me, and showed me how to cross myself, how to light a candle, where Jesus was pictured. She said she doesn't believe in God but still likes to go into the cathedral, and she does believe Jesus existed. I know that's like, "duh, no atheist denies that," but it seemed like a first step of faith for her. At last she said it was making her too sad to be their because it reminded her of her grandmother who died.
She is very behind in school, I'm getting conflicting reports of how much, but doesn't seem lacking in intelligence, so it's probably their labeling thing again.
Prayer for Tanya
Tanya turns 18 on Friday and then she can move in with us. She is very gentle and cooperative but hasn't really opened up about how she feels and thinks about living in our family. She went with us to a Christian rap concert at the Christian University on Sunday night.
She is one of five children and is the first "orphan" I've met so far who's said both her parents have actually died. I wonder if this means they were good parents before they died, and that's why she seems so different, but I don't know. It must hurt so much.
Please, please pray for all the dynamics of Tanya and Katya and I living together as three instead of two. So far I feel very left out and useless when with both of them because they are becoming fast friends and can communicate both in better and faster Russian then I can, and in a lifetime of common experiences and aquaintances. Their friendship is more important than their relationships with me in that they will live together for two years and with me only three months, but I want to be friends with both of them. Also, I can live with Katya making me feel stupid when we're alone much better than when we're with Tanya, who I like a lot and want to get close to.
At the same time, Katya is very jealous of the family because she wants a family so badly and is insecure in belonging to this one. She sat around moping when Vera spent time talking to Tanya, and she told me it's her family and she doesn't like me inviting new girls like Kristina home to meet them. Right now she's being great friends with Tanya, and Tanya likes her a lot, but Vera tells me Katya has never been able to keep a friendship. On the other hand, Vera is also afraid of them pairing off and having secrets and excluding our influence.
And while Tanya seems eager to join us, she is worried about the long commute from our home to her school, which requires both metro and bus. Pray she won't chicken out.
So, since we have a clear idea of all these things that could go wrong, I need to ask God for the vision and reality of how this can go right and be a beautiful gift to the family, to Tanya, to Katya, and to me.
She is one of five children and is the first "orphan" I've met so far who's said both her parents have actually died. I wonder if this means they were good parents before they died, and that's why she seems so different, but I don't know. It must hurt so much.
Please, please pray for all the dynamics of Tanya and Katya and I living together as three instead of two. So far I feel very left out and useless when with both of them because they are becoming fast friends and can communicate both in better and faster Russian then I can, and in a lifetime of common experiences and aquaintances. Their friendship is more important than their relationships with me in that they will live together for two years and with me only three months, but I want to be friends with both of them. Also, I can live with Katya making me feel stupid when we're alone much better than when we're with Tanya, who I like a lot and want to get close to.
At the same time, Katya is very jealous of the family because she wants a family so badly and is insecure in belonging to this one. She sat around moping when Vera spent time talking to Tanya, and she told me it's her family and she doesn't like me inviting new girls like Kristina home to meet them. Right now she's being great friends with Tanya, and Tanya likes her a lot, but Vera tells me Katya has never been able to keep a friendship. On the other hand, Vera is also afraid of them pairing off and having secrets and excluding our influence.
And while Tanya seems eager to join us, she is worried about the long commute from our home to her school, which requires both metro and bus. Pray she won't chicken out.
So, since we have a clear idea of all these things that could go wrong, I need to ask God for the vision and reality of how this can go right and be a beautiful gift to the family, to Tanya, to Katya, and to me.
Clarifications
There are a lot of Tanyas, and the abusive one who lives with Little Marina and the sweet one coming to live with us are NOT the same person.
I use "Lucy" and "Lucia" interchangably.
I use "Lucy" and "Lucia" interchangably.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Pray for Marina and Tanya!
Sorry this keeps changing. As of now, Marina is living in the dorm. She says she can’t come back to see Lucy this weekend because she is going to the camp with Tanya, the girl I said was a leader-type in the dorm. Tanya goes to the camp to sleep with boys and wants to set Marina up with one. Marina wants to come back and live with Lucy but she is afraid because Tanya hits her. Even if she moves out of the dorm completely, she still sees Tanya every day in sewing school.
This is so sick. Lucy says she needs to build a good relationship with Tanya. She gave her a big hug and invited her over. I asked her, “Are you faking it to help Marina, or do you really feel love for Tanya even when you know that she hits Marina?” Lucy said, “I feel great grief for her. If she doesn’t meet Jesus, she is going to hell because she did not ‘have respect to the orphan.’ That’s what I think of when I see her.” This perspective enables her to have such love! I never thought of believing in hell as liberating love, but it does.
Please pray about this weekend. Pray this down.
This is so sick. Lucy says she needs to build a good relationship with Tanya. She gave her a big hug and invited her over. I asked her, “Are you faking it to help Marina, or do you really feel love for Tanya even when you know that she hits Marina?” Lucy said, “I feel great grief for her. If she doesn’t meet Jesus, she is going to hell because she did not ‘have respect to the orphan.’ That’s what I think of when I see her.” This perspective enables her to have such love! I never thought of believing in hell as liberating love, but it does.
Please pray about this weekend. Pray this down.
I Got To See Gulia!
We’ve been praying I could see Gulia, the 12-year-old girl who lived with my family this summer in America, and also meet Olya, her friend, a pastor’s wife who takes her in when she doesn’t have school.
This is taken and edited from an email to my family:
Tuesday I rode with Canadian Sabrina and Dutch couple Rueben & Elia to her orphanage. We left at 12:45 and arrived (this is by car, yay!) at 1:45. We waited in the lobby for the kids to finish school at 2. Gulia knew I was coming and ran to give me a big hug.
She looks a little different cuz she has bangs now, and she seems to have lost the weight she put on in America. She was wearing nice winter clothes but nothing that we gave her, and I saw one much older girl wearing the sketchers jacket. But Gulia said that she left all the summer clothes at Olya's and she keeps the suitcase locked on the winter clothes. I gave her photos of her last week. She left her album at Olya's cuz she forgot it, so I gave her the picture of M&D from my album. She left the CD player and sunglasses at Olya's on purpose. Shrek is still sitting in her room. I didn't realize how cool the CVS photo envelope with the peel off coupon things would be in the stark orphanage; she played with it for the whole of our visit! I got a picture of her room and met her best friend Nadia, age 13.
I had to sign a statement that I was taking her out for one hour and would be responsible for her health and safety during that time. The counselor dictated the enormous Russian words to me! She was allowed to go with me and Nadia was allowed to go with Sabrina, but there was a sewing class and no one else was released, although some of the girls who meet with Sabrina and Rueben and Elia every week cried. They don't want to go back on Tuesdays anymore and just frustrate the kids, so they tried to find a better day, but the orphanage is scheduling activities to keep the kids out of trouble - which really is an improvement - and so it'll be Saturdays whenever Sabrina can do Saturdays. E and R have to leave in two weeks for visa reasons, so then we have to take public transportation.
Gulia said she finished the comic strip Bible cover to cover, also still at Olya's. She said they are starting sport competitions soon, she has a lot of lessons, her sister visited Sunday. What grieved me the most is that she doesn't get to see Olya from the start of school Sept 1 to fall break in November. I thought she went to Olya's every weekend and I could meet them together, but she only goes on vacation times. She has school on Saturdays. So she isn't getting to go to church or getting that family/spiritual input, (or to use her cd player) til November. I can perhaps get in touch with Olya and go to church with her myself, but I have to wait to see them together.
If I had seen her in the orphanage context before I saw her in America I would have ungrudgingly spent every minute with her and done anything for her. It felt really jarring, because I'd only ever seen her in our family. It's so different. I don't really have any regrets because I did love her when she was with us, but I appreciate it more now. So little of it seemed left in that bare room of hers. She told me that at first she couldn't remember what our names were after she left us, but then she remembered.
She asked after the girls, Buddy, the parakeet, and the rabbits. I showed her pictures of Pinebrook and told her you started school and Claire got her license. She was glad to hear Buddy's eye got better.
Sabrina has been going to this orphanage weekly for four years. She said it's a bad environment; all the kids start smoking there, and she sees them becoming angry. She says they will be even more angry because she was like their relative who visited weekly, and now that's denied them. She says there are counselors who yell at them a lot, and when they hit the normal turbulence of teenager-hood there's nobody to help them, listen to them, guide them, or understand if they need to be alone. Other counselors are caring, but they have too many kids to care for to really be a parent to anybody. A lot of kids from this home go to America every year, and I asked her if this has an overall positive or negative effect. She said it depends on what kind of promises the family makes and whether they keep them. "If they make the kid feel like the family wants to keep them or have them back, and then don't, the kid feels rejection. If they just treat it like a vacation trip, it's OK. If they promise to keep in touch and don't, the kid feels rejection. If they do keep in touch, then it's a positive input in their life."
She knew Gulia earlier at her previous orphanage. She said she's seen Gulia's cheerfulness and confidence fading here, that she gets into these moods of "I can't do anything, I'm not good at anything." Last week I wrote Gulia a letter and sent it with Sabrina. Sabrina said Gulia had wanted to reply but she had told her that she wouldn't see me again until the day I came to visit Gulia myself, so there was no point. "Then it was like she was... stupid or something. It took me ten minutes to make her understand. And she wans't in a bad mood either, it seemed like she had an attention disorder or something." I'm wondering if this was the effect of emotion, because she told me how much she had wanted to write to me at once when she got my letter - and of course you know how impatient she is. She seemed very intelligent, together, and healthy when we talked, albeit less bubbly. She gave me three big hugs, one on arrival and two on departure, and at home she only hugged me when I gave in about something she wanted. I brought the camera, and although she submitted to the pictures I wanted to take, she didn't want to take the camera or take any of her own, which is VERY unlike her! I don't know if she was just subdued or if it isn't interesting to take pictures of her home environment, only America, or what. I asked, "do you remember this camera?" and she said "yes, it's the one that got lost."
I miss her very much, but I don't just miss her, I miss having her with you in our loving home. There were advantages to just talking in a lobby though - it was just the relationship, none of the materialism.
Marina told me a very interesting thing. She said, "there is a sense in which at whatever age the child entered the orphanage, that;s how mature they'll always be. If at 15, 15, if at 4, 4. After that, they aren't given reponsibilities." Gulia entered at 3. And Gulia is good, really really good, because she has olya and she doesn't have abusive memories. Vera said all kids from the orphanage scream your name from other rooms until you come instead of coming to you : D Apparently that's how it works there.
I should go. I miss you so much. I think either this system of orphans is all a bad dream, or our family was a good dream. It's hard to fit two such different worlds into one world. I'm waiting to wake up from one dream or the other.
This is taken and edited from an email to my family:
Tuesday I rode with Canadian Sabrina and Dutch couple Rueben & Elia to her orphanage. We left at 12:45 and arrived (this is by car, yay!) at 1:45. We waited in the lobby for the kids to finish school at 2. Gulia knew I was coming and ran to give me a big hug.
She looks a little different cuz she has bangs now, and she seems to have lost the weight she put on in America. She was wearing nice winter clothes but nothing that we gave her, and I saw one much older girl wearing the sketchers jacket. But Gulia said that she left all the summer clothes at Olya's and she keeps the suitcase locked on the winter clothes. I gave her photos of her last week. She left her album at Olya's cuz she forgot it, so I gave her the picture of M&D from my album. She left the CD player and sunglasses at Olya's on purpose. Shrek is still sitting in her room. I didn't realize how cool the CVS photo envelope with the peel off coupon things would be in the stark orphanage; she played with it for the whole of our visit! I got a picture of her room and met her best friend Nadia, age 13.
I had to sign a statement that I was taking her out for one hour and would be responsible for her health and safety during that time. The counselor dictated the enormous Russian words to me! She was allowed to go with me and Nadia was allowed to go with Sabrina, but there was a sewing class and no one else was released, although some of the girls who meet with Sabrina and Rueben and Elia every week cried. They don't want to go back on Tuesdays anymore and just frustrate the kids, so they tried to find a better day, but the orphanage is scheduling activities to keep the kids out of trouble - which really is an improvement - and so it'll be Saturdays whenever Sabrina can do Saturdays. E and R have to leave in two weeks for visa reasons, so then we have to take public transportation.
Gulia said she finished the comic strip Bible cover to cover, also still at Olya's. She said they are starting sport competitions soon, she has a lot of lessons, her sister visited Sunday. What grieved me the most is that she doesn't get to see Olya from the start of school Sept 1 to fall break in November. I thought she went to Olya's every weekend and I could meet them together, but she only goes on vacation times. She has school on Saturdays. So she isn't getting to go to church or getting that family/spiritual input, (or to use her cd player) til November. I can perhaps get in touch with Olya and go to church with her myself, but I have to wait to see them together.
If I had seen her in the orphanage context before I saw her in America I would have ungrudgingly spent every minute with her and done anything for her. It felt really jarring, because I'd only ever seen her in our family. It's so different. I don't really have any regrets because I did love her when she was with us, but I appreciate it more now. So little of it seemed left in that bare room of hers. She told me that at first she couldn't remember what our names were after she left us, but then she remembered.
She asked after the girls, Buddy, the parakeet, and the rabbits. I showed her pictures of Pinebrook and told her you started school and Claire got her license. She was glad to hear Buddy's eye got better.
Sabrina has been going to this orphanage weekly for four years. She said it's a bad environment; all the kids start smoking there, and she sees them becoming angry. She says they will be even more angry because she was like their relative who visited weekly, and now that's denied them. She says there are counselors who yell at them a lot, and when they hit the normal turbulence of teenager-hood there's nobody to help them, listen to them, guide them, or understand if they need to be alone. Other counselors are caring, but they have too many kids to care for to really be a parent to anybody. A lot of kids from this home go to America every year, and I asked her if this has an overall positive or negative effect. She said it depends on what kind of promises the family makes and whether they keep them. "If they make the kid feel like the family wants to keep them or have them back, and then don't, the kid feels rejection. If they just treat it like a vacation trip, it's OK. If they promise to keep in touch and don't, the kid feels rejection. If they do keep in touch, then it's a positive input in their life."
She knew Gulia earlier at her previous orphanage. She said she's seen Gulia's cheerfulness and confidence fading here, that she gets into these moods of "I can't do anything, I'm not good at anything." Last week I wrote Gulia a letter and sent it with Sabrina. Sabrina said Gulia had wanted to reply but she had told her that she wouldn't see me again until the day I came to visit Gulia myself, so there was no point. "Then it was like she was... stupid or something. It took me ten minutes to make her understand. And she wans't in a bad mood either, it seemed like she had an attention disorder or something." I'm wondering if this was the effect of emotion, because she told me how much she had wanted to write to me at once when she got my letter - and of course you know how impatient she is. She seemed very intelligent, together, and healthy when we talked, albeit less bubbly. She gave me three big hugs, one on arrival and two on departure, and at home she only hugged me when I gave in about something she wanted. I brought the camera, and although she submitted to the pictures I wanted to take, she didn't want to take the camera or take any of her own, which is VERY unlike her! I don't know if she was just subdued or if it isn't interesting to take pictures of her home environment, only America, or what. I asked, "do you remember this camera?" and she said "yes, it's the one that got lost."
I miss her very much, but I don't just miss her, I miss having her with you in our loving home. There were advantages to just talking in a lobby though - it was just the relationship, none of the materialism.
Marina told me a very interesting thing. She said, "there is a sense in which at whatever age the child entered the orphanage, that;s how mature they'll always be. If at 15, 15, if at 4, 4. After that, they aren't given reponsibilities." Gulia entered at 3. And Gulia is good, really really good, because she has olya and she doesn't have abusive memories. Vera said all kids from the orphanage scream your name from other rooms until you come instead of coming to you : D Apparently that's how it works there.
I should go. I miss you so much. I think either this system of orphans is all a bad dream, or our family was a good dream. It's hard to fit two such different worlds into one world. I'm waiting to wake up from one dream or the other.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Prayer Requests
- for Olya, wherever she is, to be protected and, if it's God's will, come back into my life
- for Kristina, 14-year-old from the orphanage Katya came from, that I met at a bowling event and whom Katya is helping me invite over to visit "to tell her about Jesus."
- for my relationship with Katya. This is the hardest thing so far, by far. She is critical and impatient with my language abilities and it's often hard to want to be around her. More than anything I want to not be afraid of her. At other times she is in a good mood, or even a spirutually open mood. I don't know how much to endure and how much to confront when she hurts me, especially when I don't know the words I need, but I feel guilty for letting her walk all over me.
- for Tanya, who wants to come live with us, is the sweetest little thing and very lonely at the dormitory. She turns 18 on Sept 20 and then she's free to choose where she lives. Pray she'll come and that her relationships with us all will be good. She accepted Christ at an event but has had little or no follow up since then.
-for a third girl of God's choosing
- for the possibility of teaching English at the dormitory
-for improving in Russian daily
- for three-year-old Vasilitisa, who was at a shelter-hospital and cried for her mother. I held her and didn't know what to say. I don't know her story; the kids are sent from there either back home or to an orphanage, but we can follow her with prayer.
- for Kristina, 14-year-old from the orphanage Katya came from, that I met at a bowling event and whom Katya is helping me invite over to visit "to tell her about Jesus."
- for my relationship with Katya. This is the hardest thing so far, by far. She is critical and impatient with my language abilities and it's often hard to want to be around her. More than anything I want to not be afraid of her. At other times she is in a good mood, or even a spirutually open mood. I don't know how much to endure and how much to confront when she hurts me, especially when I don't know the words I need, but I feel guilty for letting her walk all over me.
- for Tanya, who wants to come live with us, is the sweetest little thing and very lonely at the dormitory. She turns 18 on Sept 20 and then she's free to choose where she lives. Pray she'll come and that her relationships with us all will be good. She accepted Christ at an event but has had little or no follow up since then.
-for a third girl of God's choosing
- for the possibility of teaching English at the dormitory
-for improving in Russian daily
- for three-year-old Vasilitisa, who was at a shelter-hospital and cried for her mother. I held her and didn't know what to say. I don't know her story; the kids are sent from there either back home or to an orphanage, but we can follow her with prayer.
Olya and the Dormitory
Our return trip wasn’t what we expected. We had our tea party with the deaf boys. We invited them to come bowling, which they did, and they have visited the boys’ apartment. We communicate by a sign language interpretor, lip reading, and one boy who can talk. They are great guys.
We found out that Olya ran away her first night and no one knows where she is. I took this really hard. I had so felt like God arranged us to meet her, we had plans to invite her over for the weekend, we had brought clothes for her, I had bought her French fries and took my picture with her, and that night I prayed for her and wondered if anybody had ever prayed for her before in her life – a weird thought, knowing the hundreds who pray for me. Was there something else we could have done or said? Where is she? Is she safe? I was upset about her for days.
We didn’t see Dasha and Ira again, but we met more girls:
Natasha, 15, who spends weekends with her parents, and says her dad only drinks every couple of weeks.
Anya, 16, who lives with her boyfriend in the village but keeps stuff at the dormitory. She doesn’t like to spend the night there.
And Ksusha, 17, their roommate, didn’t have time to tell us her story but a sweet girl.
A girl who seemed a leader said she weekends with a boyfriend and she had plans to introduce Marina to a boy too, so we couldn’t take her for the weekend. We were praying to get her out of there for the weekend! Marina, however, has decided to move back into Lucia’s apartment for good!
Lucia met a former classmate working there who welcomed us to come and speak to the kids about the transition homes! Lucia wants me to teach a weekly English class there. Pray for this.
We found out that Olya ran away her first night and no one knows where she is. I took this really hard. I had so felt like God arranged us to meet her, we had plans to invite her over for the weekend, we had brought clothes for her, I had bought her French fries and took my picture with her, and that night I prayed for her and wondered if anybody had ever prayed for her before in her life – a weird thought, knowing the hundreds who pray for me. Was there something else we could have done or said? Where is she? Is she safe? I was upset about her for days.
We didn’t see Dasha and Ira again, but we met more girls:
Natasha, 15, who spends weekends with her parents, and says her dad only drinks every couple of weeks.
Anya, 16, who lives with her boyfriend in the village but keeps stuff at the dormitory. She doesn’t like to spend the night there.
And Ksusha, 17, their roommate, didn’t have time to tell us her story but a sweet girl.
A girl who seemed a leader said she weekends with a boyfriend and she had plans to introduce Marina to a boy too, so we couldn’t take her for the weekend. We were praying to get her out of there for the weekend! Marina, however, has decided to move back into Lucia’s apartment for good!
Lucia met a former classmate working there who welcomed us to come and speak to the kids about the transition homes! Lucia wants me to teach a weekly English class there. Pray for this.
To Everyone Who Gave Financially For this Trip
I am getting doubts about this whole cross-cultural missions thing. I feel like I’m spending all my emotional and physical and mental energy learning to survive in this unfamiliar environment, and not helping the Russian Christians who are doing the ministry, and that it’s like that for all Americans so much of the time. I get doubts and think you all made a poor investment, that my being here isn’t benefiting anyone but me.
I have the bulletin insert from my commissioning service. It says you committed me to the moment by moment grace of God, and believe God will equip me to do everything that God wants me to accomplish. It was God you believed in, not me (if anybody believes in me, please transfer it to Him, I can’t live up to it!)
Praise Him for all I'm learning and pray He does all He wants to do.
I have the bulletin insert from my commissioning service. It says you committed me to the moment by moment grace of God, and believe God will equip me to do everything that God wants me to accomplish. It was God you believed in, not me (if anybody believes in me, please transfer it to Him, I can’t live up to it!)
Praise Him for all I'm learning and pray He does all He wants to do.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Visiting the Dormitory
Lucia and I went to visit Marina at her dormitory. We weren't even sure they'd let us in, but they gave us blanket permission to return. Lucia is so brave! Marina seemed to be doing very well. Marina's room mate was just moving in. Her name is Olya and she is studying sewing with Marina at the technical school. Age 17, she was put in the orphange at 15 because she kept running away from an abusive, drinking family. They put her with Marina because neither of them smokes or drinks, "our good girls." She's so sweet, I liked her a lot and we invited her to visit our apartment and consider living there. We took them to MacDonalds to talk.
We met two girls hanging out in the stairs, Dasha and Ira. Ira had a cigarette in one hand a beer in the other, yet her face was so young and innocent and Lucia chatted with them for a long time, and they though my accent was cute. We plan to return and have tea with them all on Thursday.
We met two girls hanging out in the stairs, Dasha and Ira. Ira had a cigarette in one hand a beer in the other, yet her face was so young and innocent and Lucia chatted with them for a long time, and they though my accent was cute. We plan to return and have tea with them all on Thursday.
Praise the Lord
The Director said yes - he canceled our meeting and said he'll just do the paperwork!
September 4
Visiting the Orphanage
On the first of September we went to the school-opening festival for Katya at her orphanage school. Katya is 15 and in ninth grade so she is living in the family home but would otherwise still be in the orphanage, and she commutes back for school. Her new director wants all the proper legal documentation done for her to be living with us. She has asked me to PRAY THAT SHE CAN STAY HERE.
I saw the building and her room there, and the girls in it now. The building was really, really nice, with chandeliers and a paneled auditorium, and the bedrooms were twice the size of what she shares with me here. All the kids were very dressed up, as were the teachers, and they sang songs and did a funny skit about starting school. I had only seen the rural summer camps, which are primitive, and thought the orphanage in the city would be like that.
I told Katya they had a very nice building. She just shrugged and said, “they’re renovating there like we’re renovating here.” But it isn’t because the children at her orphanage are being starved or kept in poor conditions that she so wants to stay here, it’s just that having a family instead of an institution, and knowing God, make such a difference.
What Am I Doing?
Pray for figuring out what I should be doing. I thought I was going to be with three girls here. But there’s only Katya right now: Sasha has to decide, and the third girl probably won’t come for quite some time, I don’t know how much before my departure on Dec 1. And now there’s the possibility of losing Katya. So it’s very up in the air. I have several offers to help at the MK school, visit different orphanages, etc., and I’m studying, helping around the house, learning to cook Russian food, and spending time with Katya.
Masha, who helped me go to Estonia, has been to America as a translator on Gulia’s program and she is trying to contact Gulia’s director for me. Pray I can get through to them and see her. I also need to meet Galina; I’ve been looking around for a church to recommend to her.
Dancing at Russian Church
This Sunday I went to Lucia’s church. It was huge, several hundred people. They were singing with incredible joy, waving flags, and a bunch down in front dancing, singing, “Jesus is risen! Jesus is risen!” Of course I have to join anything where people are dancing : ) They took my hands without a question. Russians look so dour and somber in public, it was amazing to see them that happy. I was really encouraged that it was so big and apparently entirely free of American input; they had found a Russian way to have a church today.
The service was from 11 to 2, with a Russian length sermon. I would have enjoyed that more if I could understand more of it. There were children everywhere. People were in and out and up and down and standing around the sides throughout. They blessed the children again as they sent them out for Sunday school. Kids who had been at camp sang a song they wrote. Then there was a baby dedication. Then a bride and groom came forward and said their wedding vows! (They’ll go have their own party afterwards and get the judicial marriage; since it has no legal weight, a church wedding is only added on by believers – but I never expected it to be included into the Sunday morning service!)
On the first of September we went to the school-opening festival for Katya at her orphanage school. Katya is 15 and in ninth grade so she is living in the family home but would otherwise still be in the orphanage, and she commutes back for school. Her new director wants all the proper legal documentation done for her to be living with us. She has asked me to PRAY THAT SHE CAN STAY HERE.
I saw the building and her room there, and the girls in it now. The building was really, really nice, with chandeliers and a paneled auditorium, and the bedrooms were twice the size of what she shares with me here. All the kids were very dressed up, as were the teachers, and they sang songs and did a funny skit about starting school. I had only seen the rural summer camps, which are primitive, and thought the orphanage in the city would be like that.
I told Katya they had a very nice building. She just shrugged and said, “they’re renovating there like we’re renovating here.” But it isn’t because the children at her orphanage are being starved or kept in poor conditions that she so wants to stay here, it’s just that having a family instead of an institution, and knowing God, make such a difference.
What Am I Doing?
Pray for figuring out what I should be doing. I thought I was going to be with three girls here. But there’s only Katya right now: Sasha has to decide, and the third girl probably won’t come for quite some time, I don’t know how much before my departure on Dec 1. And now there’s the possibility of losing Katya. So it’s very up in the air. I have several offers to help at the MK school, visit different orphanages, etc., and I’m studying, helping around the house, learning to cook Russian food, and spending time with Katya.
Masha, who helped me go to Estonia, has been to America as a translator on Gulia’s program and she is trying to contact Gulia’s director for me. Pray I can get through to them and see her. I also need to meet Galina; I’ve been looking around for a church to recommend to her.
Dancing at Russian Church
This Sunday I went to Lucia’s church. It was huge, several hundred people. They were singing with incredible joy, waving flags, and a bunch down in front dancing, singing, “Jesus is risen! Jesus is risen!” Of course I have to join anything where people are dancing : ) They took my hands without a question. Russians look so dour and somber in public, it was amazing to see them that happy. I was really encouraged that it was so big and apparently entirely free of American input; they had found a Russian way to have a church today.
The service was from 11 to 2, with a Russian length sermon. I would have enjoyed that more if I could understand more of it. There were children everywhere. People were in and out and up and down and standing around the sides throughout. They blessed the children again as they sent them out for Sunday school. Kids who had been at camp sang a song they wrote. Then there was a baby dedication. Then a bride and groom came forward and said their wedding vows! (They’ll go have their own party afterwards and get the judicial marriage; since it has no legal weight, a church wedding is only added on by believers – but I never expected it to be included into the Sunday morning service!)
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